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On Finding Happiness – Online Dating

December 22nd, 2014 Leave a comment Go to comments

Lately I’ve been investing time with online dating. I’ve chosen eHarmony as the service provider that will take care of my online dating needs. Signing up for the service was a reasonably simple process and was not too intellectually taxing. However, the process was lengthy and I often asked myself “How much longer is this going to take?”

The signing up process asks you a lot about your life; likes and dislikes, career, if you have kids or not, how often do you smoke and how often do you drink. Of course they’re establishing preferences and attempting to find out who your most suitable matches might be. They also ask you for your interest in age range which can make for some pretty interesting profiles.

There’s a rather pricy fee associated with the services and it is charged 3 separate times to your credit card. I’m fairly certain that there are 3 charges of $55.60 and they come out in the form of installments. While I’m not fond of the 3 credit card charges I’m willing to admit that the service is fairly comprehensive and it does provide opportunity to match up with a lot of different people. This is not to say that I’ll get responses for all the people that I’m interested in, but at least I get to throw my line out there to see if there will be any nibbles or bites.

My rate of matching success so far has been limited given how much effort I’ve put in and how many people I’ve reached out to. The math to figure out my success rate is fairly simple. I’ve been at it for 3 months. I view at least 25 people a day. Of the 25 people I view per day on average I’ll reach out to approximately 3. 3 times 30 is 90 and 90 times 3 is 270. So far, roughly, I’ve reached out to a little less than 300 women. Of those 270 women I’ve received nibbles or responses from about 10 with 1 woman giving me her phone number. Let’s do the math: of the 270 women I’ve reached out to, 3.7% have given me a nibble and established communication. However, of the 270 women I’ve reached out to only 1 or .37% has given me their phone number to reach out and actually call them.

Those numbers are staggering and lets me know that I’ve having a very low rate of success in terms of establishing contact and an even lower rate of success with getting phone numbers to make the 1st call. It also lets me know that I might not be presenting myself in the right way. For instance, I list myself as having children in my profile which I do. This might be a major discourager for young females that are looking to start their own families without so-called ‘baggage’. For a younger couple an existing family on one side of the partnership may well take away from the novelty of having a family. It detracts from the mystery and newness of it all.

Additionally, I may not be posting enough pictures of myself on the website. I’ve only posted one and it is a reasonably serious pose of me standing in a backyard with trees and a deck railing. There’s no pictures of me having the time of my life or celebrating with family and friends so it may make a woman wonder how exciting my life may or may not be. In other words, I am just a social deadbeat that doesn’t enjoy the company of fellow human beings?

Not only this, women may be looking at my type of profession to see what I do for work. Right now I’m listed as an insurance agent as I’m in the beginning stages of studying for the LLQP in the hopes of passing the Oliver’s exam and eventually the provincial exam. There may be lots of women that are not attracted to insurance agents or do not want to be with a male that is in the financial sector, particularly if it is the insurance industry.

Plus, I’m not in the best shape of my life right now. I’m overweight by about 30 pounds and you can probably see the weight in my face. I’m 6’0” and I should be around 190 pounds. Instead I weigh 220 pounds. This is not grossly obese but I’m definitely not in the best shape of my life. Yes, I have some back fat. Also, I’m eating too much bread and butter and consuming too many soft drinks – usually cans of Pepsi. Still though, I’m not in the worst shape of my life either. I go on lots of walks and hikes and try and stay as active as I can with our family dog. Should I be at the gym? Yes. Am I? No.

One other factor that might come into play is the short blurbs each person writes related to things like; what are you thankful for? What can’t you live without? Who has been the biggest inspiration in your life? And, what are you looking for in someone else?

Perhaps the blurbs I am writing are not attracting the opposite sex. For instance, one blurb is about “What’s the first thing people notice about you?” I playfully respond “My receding hairline”. I respond and write the blurb this way because it’s true. Baldness runs on my mother’s side and my hair falls out just a little bit every day. Nevertheless, a woman might think my response is insecure by nature and that I am obsessed with the progression of my current rate of balding. Thankfully I still have a full head of hair but it certainly is thinning at a fantastic rate.

I’m sure that there are many other variables that come into play such as automatic attraction at 1st glance and safety for users at the website (i.e. – which users of the online dating service are reputable and who might be a wee bit creepy). You never can be too careful. There are typically many variables at play that most of us are not aware of and they are often subjectively related to the other party whom we are trying to, in this case, attract. People’s subjective mood are always affecting their decisions. Not to mention their relationship status and past relationship status (i.e. – past failures in romantic relationships and resulting insecurities as well as some people who attempt to juggle multiple intimate relationships at one time).

And so after writing about all of this related to online dating – my limited successes and very frequent failures – I again have to ask myself: Am I feeling happy? In short, I am feeling happy when I get nibbles and establish communication. I am even happier when I get a phone number. I am happy to analyze and dissect the numbers for success rate to give the reader a mathematical idea if it’s a worthy online investment.

However, I become somewhat unhappy when I run into a severe succession of failures as I have been lately. The number don’t lie: 3.7% and .37% respectively. Put another way, I have to invest a lot of time and reach out to a lot of people just to establish communication and improbably get a phone number. It’s a lot like public relations and cold-calling, not solid sales leads.

It goes without saying, we have to fight and struggle for romantic happiness, especially if it’s online. Happiness eludes us and we spend much time in the realm of romantic uncertainty.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

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