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From Dark Blue to Light Blue

Every morning I wake up and say “Oh God, not again”.
In 20 minutes I can’t breathe.
I walk to the mirror and see the unshaven whiskers and see a mild look of disgust and slight admiration.
Very slight.

It’s hard to escape the woes of self-loathing.

I know what I have to do.
It will require the conjuring of thousands of notes in unusual succession and various tempos but I am going to make this room cool by vibration of string and I am going to get this inferno out of my face and lift the weight off my lungs.

I don’t care how little my fingers are, extreme focus and raw determination have the ability to overcome physical limitations.
I can’t do the Hendrix 9-fret stretch but how many people can?

I just need to get this raging energy out of me.
It’s uncomfortable you know and unpleasant.
I’m sure you know what I am feeling and what I am talking about so I won’t elongate it anymore.

I just hope this can be derived into some type of meaning for you.
Maybe you will identify with it and maybe you won’t.
I’m not sure and I don’t know.
The oddities and complexities of human feeling and emotion are beyond our comprehensions.
We try to sort out our emotional and psychological anomalies by exerting energy from our hands, feet and mouth without harming each other.

It’s been a long and hard week and the end of it has become productive and this satisfies me, to a decree.

And now for a brief and deserved exhale until the pressure and hampered breathing returns,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

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