Home > Uncategorized > Bold, Beautiful, & Bald: I’m Going Bald, Baby!

Bold, Beautiful, & Bald: I’m Going Bald, Baby!

December 30th, 2010 Leave a comment Go to comments

They say there’s no hair on a busy street. Well, I’m not quite sure about that. Sure, I have moments of brilliance and flashes of intelligence, but I am not sure if I fully characterize the adage as I personally witness the receding pattern continue its frenzied attack on my head.

I don’t know why some males get so upset about it. And I don’t know how some companies make such a fortune on such a childish insecurity. How can a man’s head of hair be so important? I mean really, what’s the big deal? Anyone drop me a hint here? Ladies – what gives? I just don’t think fortunes can be made by dudes insulting other dudes about their head of hair (do men really hurt each other’s feeling based on how much hair is on their head? I don’t think so, not by a long shot). This means that when it comes to this category of controversy, women are most definitely to blame – 100% responsible for the emergence and continuance of this childish insecurity and the resulting pharmaceutical remedies that tend to burn a hole in one’s pocket.  

Still doesn’t change the reality that I am ever so slowly headed down the boulevard of baldness.

But Jack, here are some incidental facts about the steady progression of my baldness:

  • As I continue to lose hair, 20-30% of women will probably find me less attractive than say other men who have bursting tufts of hair growing on their noggin.
  • Most people, as they begin to recognize my ever-growing baldness will assume that my IQ score is 10-30 points greater than its actual.
  • A small proportion of women will have naughty thoughts about my balding head, lubrication, and some form of exotic rubbing.
  • An increasing number of individuals may begin to refer to me as eggy or egghead.
  • When people are lost in their car and need directions, they will likely approach me and ask for detailed directions to their desired location.

While I am sure some of these subjective facts are skewed toward my personal preference of thought, there is a degree of accuracy that adequately represents what is going on in this crazy world of ours.

Going bald? Big deal. There are surely lots of bald guy clubs to join. Just look up your local chapter for balding dudes who wish to discuss heady topics of thought.

And if a woman or your woman is giving you grief about that shiny cue ball head of yours, insisting that you ingest a pill or some magic elixir, go ahead and crinkle up your forehead to better accentuate those enormous frontal lobes of yours. If she doesn’t appreciate your never-ending string of factual data, preferring a thick head of lustrous hair, give her the old boot. Tell her to scram…

Ahhh…to be bold, beautiful, and bald. That is the life for me.

Any thoughts and ideas on baldness are always welcome,

Matthew Polkinghorne

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