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If You Only Knew

If you only knew what that person was going through you’d be able to extend an empathetic arm.
You’d be able to go out of your comfort zone and really ‘be there’ for that person.

Things happen in people’s lives that no one can predict. Even our best laid plans can fall flat on their face. One minute you have the world by the tail living your dreams to a maximum and the next your laid up in a hospital bed with not a glimmer of hope in sight. It can happen that quickly an no one really knows why or how.

If you only knew how upset I was, you would sit there and sob uncontrollably until I could find in my heart to forgive you for what you did or have done. You would sit there and sob uncontrollably just because you thought in your mind that that, at this time, might be the right thing to do for me and for everyone’s sake.

But turn that uncontrollable sobbing on it’s head and you would have the screaming match of a century. Unbridled anger that no one can explain or pretend to understand. And so we fight on through each and every day completing tasks with the anger and the sadness in the background. Driving us forward. At times, slowing us down. And each second we try to understand why. We try and determine why we were put on this planet. Were we put on this planet to do good or were we put on this planet to do bad? And then, if we have them, we think about our child or children. We quickly begin to wonder how we are influencing them. Did I just say or do the wrong thing? How does my child see my behavior? In what light does my child see me?

Then the emotions cascade. The guilt. The anger. The sadness. The shame. Yes, there is happiness and joy but these feelings for whatever reason seem harder to come by or hold onto. So we have this tendency to dwell in the negative and desperately seek or search for the positive whenever it finds us. A world of chaos with beams of light shooting through the clouds at undefined intervals.

And as I like to say…I sit here at this computer at whatever time it is and try and think of one more meaningful thing to say.
Even when I think everything and everyone is meaningless, I still desperately try to grasp on to that which is meaningful and live one more day in the hopes that I will see my daughter’s face again and hear the words come out of her mouth.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

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