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He’s Too Cerebral

I often think that I think too much and feel too little. In my writings I often express that I do feel but then I wonder afterwards if I really do feel anything at all. Thinking is very safe. When you are thinking you tend to not attach to any powerful feelings that might steer your behavior in a certain direction.

In this way I wonder if you or I may be too cerebral in how we go about our lives. Always planning the next course of action to maximize our life and avoid any dreaded mistakes that may slow us down or negatively impact what we are doing. Everything is carefully and perfectly calculated and we go through life not having to endure any of the bumps and bounces.

Then, sometimes, I look back on my life, especially the last 15 years of it and say “Wow! I have done a lot of things and been through a lot of shit”, so maybe I am not the planner I think I am. Maybe life has happened to me and I’ve had very little control over it. And in effect, I’m kind of dumb.

Yet I can’t escape this feeling that I’m too cerebral and it turns a lot of people off. It pushes people away not wanting any kind of attachment to me. Then I ask myself “Is this not who I really am?” and “Shouldn’t people like me for who I am if this is who I am?” It can be confusing and I think I am constantly trying to change myself to somehow attract new people into my life. And every day it feels as if I have again failed. No new relationships and no new people to speak of. Just a life of singularity where I am stuck up inside of my own head trying not to become frustrated with how my life has evolved.

Can you relate to any of this? Do feel or think that somehow you have become too cerebral in how you go about your life and how you interact/deal with people?

I’d love to know your thoughts.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

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