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Seeking Solitude And No Violence

Sometimes I can’t help it. I just want to be by myself and talk to no one. The time alone can be distressing (with no human-to-human interaction) but it can also be healing. The time alone gives me time to create on this blog and share my thoughts to whoever will ingest and listen. Maybe I don’t have much of a readership yet I have the opportunity to release my ideas and emote.

I think, though, that many people (especially clinicians and mental health professionals) think that solitude and isolation can be a detrimental if not devastating thing/event. There can be too much rumination (and too much talking up inside one’s head) that can lead to paranoia or paranoid thoughts where we begin to imagine what people might be saying about us whether true or not or that people might be colluding together to come up with a set of circumstances or outcome that will have a negative impact on our life/lives.

Don’t discount the possibility of this reality. Some people actually do want to hurt us and their behavior can be very subversive and often times come from their subconscious mind. People (even people that are close to you) will act in ways that may try and amplify your anger so that you will lash out against other people creating social problems that have consequences/repercussions that may effect your integrity and freedoms.

But when I personally seek solitude I make a commitment in my mind to do something that is productive (like writing on this forum) or going for a walk in the community where I don’t have any intention of committing a violent act against another person or fellow human beings. When I am walking on my own in public I just want to breathe in the air, hear the sounds, see the comings and goings and exercise my body in a moderate way. What people mumble or mutter to themselves is none of my business and I really don’t care what they might be saying about me if they are saying anything about me at all (because when it comes right down to it I am not that important in the grand scheme of things).

So I see myself walking with my peaceful mind where I am just trying to live my life and pass the hours. Maybe today I will meet someone new that will somehow enrich my life or maybe I won’t. Perhaps my social network will stay exactly the same and I will not get to enjoy the stimulation of a new relationship or new conversation and I think I need to be okay with this and accept it.

I have to resist the urge to always want more and not think that I am missing out on something.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne
289-208-2241

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