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I Dreamt About You Last Night

February 25th, 2018 Leave a comment Go to comments

I woke up this morning from a dream of my daughter’s face swirling in my head. God, her face was beautiful and cute all at the same time. In my dream we somewhere in a San Diego community in a gravelly parking lot and she was playing and or fiddling with her stroller. I think she was 2 or 3 at the time. With some scorn I said “Justine, stop fiddling with your stroller”. I took the stroller away from her, folded it up and put it in the back of our SUV. I then went over to her and she asked “Daddy, why are you mad?” I asked back in response “Justine, are you being bad?” We then proceeded to laugh hysterically together as I gazed into her eyes and we held each other.

I awoke from the dream this morning with a feeling of happiness that I can’t describe.

But some days, still, I can’t escape the feeling and reality that she is gone and not really a part of my life anymore. Sure, I’ll see her in a month if everything goes smoothly but it doesn’t change the finality (if that is the right word here).

Sometimes, though, there is a feeling of relief that washes over me that she is with her mother in California. They have a good life there and maybe that is all that really matters. I still worry though; even after 5 and 1/2 years. She is my daughter.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

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