Archive for May, 2018

It’s All In My Head

May 1st, 2018 No comments

Her chin is held high and her feelings are steel. She wanders the restaurant over and over again taking orders for food and drink. She never once complains and she casts her pity toward me. I down another drink because I think in my head that I can hold my own and this poisonous soup will not kill me.

Her smile isn’t for me. She smiles through me and she already has someone and she is happy and secure. She has everything and every move she makes is the act of a magician aggrandizing her position in the most graceful way possible.

And I snap out of it and realize that it’s all in my head and she is actually a kind person that just wants to live her life like everyone else. I am a fool stuck inside of my own head and there’s nothing that my glassy eyes can say. So I go home to lay in the bed that is my coffin (remember Tuesday’s with Morrie?!) I wonder if before I fall asleep a new original thought will enter my head or will it resurface in the morning? The corners of my eyes are sore; both sides of my jaw stiff. I feel like a mechanized machine that is in desperate need of lubrication.

And I come to terms with the fact that it is all in my head and her smile isn’t for me.

My love is eternal. My feelings are real. My eyes are glass.
If only this story could end so our suffering could stop and we could live in peace.

It’s all my head. Is it?

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

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