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Archive for September, 2014

Missing Your Daughter

September 15th, 2014 Comments off

It’s tough being separated from your daughter.
The time apart pulls hard on the heart strings and has a tendency to leave you in the state of bewilderment and resentment.

I long for the days to be back with my daughter when she was a little baby.
Changing her diapers on the change table and singing sweet lullaby’s as the days passed.

I was with my daughter from a very young age as her mother had to go back to work when she was just 6 months old. Our bond, therefore, is very special as I nurtured her and loved her to the age of 3 years old. There is something about the sparkle in those deep blue eyes that I can’t get over and can’t get past. It is a sparkle and look that touches my heart to the core and reduces me to tears when our separations grow long.

I don’t know why were separated. I was a very special daddy to her and gave her enough love to flow with the capacity and volume of Niagara Falls (Canadian side of the falls). I miss her. The days apart are long and arduous. I wonder if she knows how much I love her? About to turn the age of 5, does she have a firm understanding of the world around her? Does she understand the separations? Does she know how much I long to be a family again, reunited, repaired and brought back to life?

I hope she does. And I hope her world makes sense to her and that she succeeds and excels in her 3rd year of Montesorri school. I firmly believe, that like her paternal grandfather, she has a very high spatial intelligence. She seems to understand space and shapes very well and knows how things go together and fit together.

It goes without saying. I miss my daughter dearly. The separations are hard and I love her. She is and always will be my “Sweet Babe”.

Every once in awhile, if I listen very carefully, I can hear her heart beat from 3000 miles away. I can hear if it is beating softly. And when I can hear her heart beating softly I have to find a way to dry my eyes because her heart beat is strong and it massages and caresses mine.

Can you hear me my beautiful daughter?

I love you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

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A Flood Of Ideas

September 5th, 2014 Comments off

No not a flight of ideas. A flood of ideas.

It seems like groups of ideas tend to come in waves. I don’t know where they come from or what they’re supposed to mean but they are there and it’s important to get them down on paper in some kind of sensible way. This includes writing and the ideas that are associated with writing.

When you think about the natural occurrence of a flood you think of an event that has an uncontrolled outcome that is associated with the building up of water. It’s not that it’s a purge but it’s the presence of abundance that we have a tough time managing. In this sense then, there is a presence of ideas that is difficult to manage because there are so many of them. The volume is high.

It’s important to distinguish between ‘ flood of ideas’ and ‘flight of ideas’ because a flight of ideas tends to indicate that someone is suffering from a mental illness and their ideas are all over the place and are spoken at a furious pace resulting in something that may be better understood as non-sensical jibberish.

A flood of ideas then is an abundance of ideas that make sense and can be understood.
For instance, I have a writing idea about divorce. I also have a writing idea about being separated from a biological child on a continuous basis. I also have an idea about writing a book, what the title will be for the book and what the opening pages will look like. These are all ideas and they are bunched together.

I also have communicative ideas about people I’d like to reconnect with or catch up with because I feel like there are relational holes in my life.

When a ‘flood of ideas’ arrives in your head it’s important to write them down and get them out of your system. This way you will remember the ideas on paper and may be able to share the ideas with other people. A flood of ideas isn’t always there so it’s a good ideas to capitalize on the creative juices when they’re flowing.

Find a piece of paper or maybe your laptop is sitting beside you. Do yourself a favor and write it down. You’ll likely feel a sense of relief through the expression of your creative self.

Trust me on this one. You won’t be disappointed.

On a side note. I’m a bit out of practice with my writings so I hope this all makes sense and is easy to digest.

Thanks for reading and more to come,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

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