Archive for December, 2010

Bold, Beautiful, & Bald: I’m Going Bald, Baby!

December 30th, 2010 No comments

They say there’s no hair on a busy street. Well, I’m not quite sure about that. Sure, I have moments of brilliance and flashes of intelligence, but I am not sure if I fully characterize the adage as I personally witness the receding pattern continue its frenzied attack on my head.

I don’t know why some males get so upset about it. And I don’t know how some companies make such a fortune on such a childish insecurity. How can a man’s head of hair be so important? I mean really, what’s the big deal? Anyone drop me a hint here? Ladies – what gives? I just don’t think fortunes can be made by dudes insulting other dudes about their head of hair (do men really hurt each other’s feeling based on how much hair is on their head? I don’t think so, not by a long shot). This means that when it comes to this category of controversy, women are most definitely to blame – 100% responsible for the emergence and continuance of this childish insecurity and the resulting pharmaceutical remedies that tend to burn a hole in one’s pocket.  

Still doesn’t change the reality that I am ever so slowly headed down the boulevard of baldness.

But Jack, here are some incidental facts about the steady progression of my baldness:

  • As I continue to lose hair, 20-30% of women will probably find me less attractive than say other men who have bursting tufts of hair growing on their noggin.
  • Most people, as they begin to recognize my ever-growing baldness will assume that my IQ score is 10-30 points greater than its actual.
  • A small proportion of women will have naughty thoughts about my balding head, lubrication, and some form of exotic rubbing.
  • An increasing number of individuals may begin to refer to me as eggy or egghead.
  • When people are lost in their car and need directions, they will likely approach me and ask for detailed directions to their desired location.

While I am sure some of these subjective facts are skewed toward my personal preference of thought, there is a degree of accuracy that adequately represents what is going on in this crazy world of ours.

Going bald? Big deal. There are surely lots of bald guy clubs to join. Just look up your local chapter for balding dudes who wish to discuss heady topics of thought.

And if a woman or your woman is giving you grief about that shiny cue ball head of yours, insisting that you ingest a pill or some magic elixir, go ahead and crinkle up your forehead to better accentuate those enormous frontal lobes of yours. If she doesn’t appreciate your never-ending string of factual data, preferring a thick head of lustrous hair, give her the old boot. Tell her to scram…

Ahhh…to be bold, beautiful, and bald. That is the life for me.

Any thoughts and ideas on baldness are always welcome,

Matthew Polkinghorne

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Born in Missoula, MT: A Rise To Fame In Las Vegas, NV

December 26th, 2010 No comments

I don’t know what it is about Missoula, Montana and Las Vegas, Nevada, but these 2 places seem to send chills up my spine when I think about them. I’ve never actually been to Missoula, Montana, so it is strange that such a place would stir strong internal feelings when I have only seen footage of it.

Las Vegas, Nevada, on the other hand, I’ve been to on several occasion. The very first time I ever went was on my 23rd birthday and I remember feeling electricity flow through my body as we approached the glowing city from high up in the air, late in the night (I felt like such a kid). And that is something I do not wish to lose, the feeling that there is something powerful surging within my being; the feeling that there is an torrid inferno burning inside; and that that intense feeling is connected to the thought of a person, a place, a memory, or a culmination of all.  

For all those skeptics out there, for all of those can knots, and for all of those doubting Thomas’s, I am well aware that powerful existential surges and the feeling that electricity is flowing through one’s body is an indication of a whimsical dreamer – an individual caught up and swept away in a swell of grandiosity, delusion, and intense emotion. Is it not just ideal to feel in such an intense way? Is it not misguided and lucky to feel in such an intense way? Is it not just the intellectual hatchings of a bratty adolescent to feel in such an intense way? Is it not just that I am a fool stuck inside of my own mind?

I don’t have the answers to these questions and I can’t discount the foolishness of it all. 

But when I really open up my imagination to it, I see an innocent child born to the flows and ripples of a river somewhere in the ruggedness of Missoula, Montana. A simple childhood far removed from anything that resembles the bustle of a metropolis. Developmental years nurtured by nature, untainted by the hustle; untwisted by the sanguine. I see a child that is contented by the color of leaves.

And over time, the color of those magnificent leaves is infused into the night lights of Las Vegas, Nevada. An innocent child wandering the bright streets of a city swallowed up by the magic act of a mirage. Gigantic faces on posters, plastered across the walls. Promises of entertainment, extravagant, exorbitantly priced malls. It is all a show; the huge personalities, the inflated identities. You can’t help but want to reach out, fall forward, and hug nothing at all. And that reality right there, in of itself, is why you keep coming back. The idea that you want to hug something that is not there. The idea that you want to wrap your arms around an empty space of air. To hear the flow of air particles and stare.

The memory of a flowing river. A rise to fame. Take a look in the mirror, we’ll never be the same.  

Water skimming down, dripping off the oar. Dreams for sale, find them at the local store.

Matthew Polkinghorne

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Reach Down My Throat And Pull Out My Guts

December 15th, 2010 No comments

If you were to reach down my throat and pull out my guts, you would pull them out only to be holding a giant slab of concrete in your hands. That slab of concrete itself is heavier than you can possibly imagine. You’d have to find a jackhammer to break apart the slab bit by bit to get a sense of what is.

It is hard to convulse a giant slab of concrete out of your guts; just think about it.

And what if I were to tell you that I was extremely depressed and I meant it; knowing that I have learned how to deal with it – would you then let me be happy? Would you let you be happy too?

Matthew Polkinghorne

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The Fundamental Rejection of Self By Society (Others)

December 11th, 2010 No comments

For some reason or another, referring to fellow people as ‘others’ just sounds kind of funny and dismissive (i.e. – what are the others doing over there? Or, what are those people doing over there?). Yet this simplistic observation is besides the point, really. Trivial, as a matter of fact.

A fundamental rejection of self by society (others) is an interactive movement. The movement by the others is a signal to the individual that a certain outcome is desired (i.e. – a group may wish to alienate the individual completely, a group understands the importance of leaving an individual to their own devices, or the group may wish to adjust a certain behavior that may be causing gross interactive imbalance). These are only 3 reasons as to why the group may isolate the individual and it may actually be the individual that ostracizes him or herself. In others words, a group is not always to blame. Nor is the individual. Both parties can both be responsible for the formation of the group and the singling out of the individual.

But in actual fact, is anyone to blame for the separation of individual with group? Is it not the natural forces of individual action that set us where we be, who we associate with, and what we do? Some people may say that society has a selected place for each and every person. And that place, where each and every person end up, is the result of both seeable, translucent, and invisible forces which govern our transactional dynamics on a day-to-day basis.

Spoken in short-speak business terms – some people get up in your face and shout a message at you (direct), some people go behind your back (indirect and sly) to fabricate a plan that will affect your state of being or existence, and some people will ‘make it rain’ and influence a fundamental shift in transactional behavior across individuals (i.e. – the steady progressions of technology and the sneaky creature known only as planned obsolescence; technology becomes outdated and must be replaced with something that has superior effectiveness and efficiency).

It remains hard to know how all of our actions and discussions add up, and how really, relationships are formed and maintained as tasks are accomplished and goals achieved. Each individual, each group, and all of the resulting bifurcations, mergers, and divergences have the irrefutable ability to create a complicated mess – filled with failures, innovations, digressions, and successes.  

The individual in isolation, creating something of supposed value, is a fascinating beast indeed. Has such a type of individual actually been rejected by others (society)? And has such a rejection been cast only with haste, malice, and negativity? Or may the group already have come to a certain understanding that the isolated individual may yet have not ascertained (i.e. – a group may be well aware that an individual must be allowed periods of isolation for the functional functioning of society)?

We need not jump to any rash conclusions about the operational dynamics of a group. Yes, certainly, sometimes the operational dynamics of a group is malevolent, sometimes the opposite as well. Same goes for the individual. So, how do we know who is on our side? How can we know who is to be trusted? How do we know who is out to constantly maximize their own position?

Interesting questions to ponder I suppose. And your answers will help shape whatever personal meaning you deem fit. The fundamental rejection of any self by any group will always, in some way, serve a purpose. We will always, as an individual and group, arrive at an identity that is made up of observable characteristics – fluid, static, semi-fluid, and feigned.

While not worrying about any fundamental rejections of the self by society (others) and respective purposes, what is important is the balance of scales between human beings. When the scales teeter unfairly too severely between human beings, dynamic and dire consequences will eventually enter and neutralize the system to restore civility and justice – it is only a function of time, communication, money, and judgment – both rational and irrational.

Innovativeness and entrepreneurship are no stranger to the creation of unfair dealings. By the same token, the exponential multiplying of bureaucratic gatherings is no stranger to the art of thievery. Every action has a consequence. Every inaction has a consequence. Too much action is bad. Not enough action is not good. We are all here together, working toward something; the manor in which you treat this symbiotic relationship will determine how you are viewed by others, what you possess, what you achieve, and the quality of fulfillment you experience throughout the entirety of your life.

For now, I am going to untwist the top of an Arrogant Bastard ale and drink in its flavorful delights.

Matthew Polkinghorne

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Annoyed: Not Devoid

December 4th, 2010 No comments

Feelings…nothing more than feelings…why the heck did those lyrics and that melody just come into my head? It didn’t forcefully come into my head, but strange enough, out of nowhere, it now plays itself over and over again in my head like a broken record.

And just now, the mental image of people passed out in chairs, empty booze bottles littered across a living room floor – cigarette ash singing holes in a rug. And, don’t forget that record player – it’s playing over and over again – but nobody is listening to the words and nobody is listening to the music.

Man, I don’t even know what those 1st 2 paragraphs are supposed to mean, but there they are – words coherently strung together in the conveyance of an obscure message. Maybe though, the first 2 paragraphs are an attempt to identify with the title ‘Annoyed, not Devoid’. After all, the sound of a broken record is annoying – it frustrates the mind, dulls the mind, and diminishes the spirit.

But I think, though, that the title, regardless of the 1st 2 paragraphs is about feeling annoyed (a precursor to the emotional expression of anger). But what about human annoyance, who cares anyway? It’s just annoyance.

What if I am only feeling annoyed? And if I were to tell you that I am feeling annoyed, would you come back at me and say “No, you’re angry and you don’t deal well with your anger do you? In fact, what I see is rage”. I mean, really, if I say I am feeling annoyed or was annoyed by a situation, that’s exactly how I was feeling. Any injected exaggeration of that feeling by the stretch of your imagination is only the stretch of your imagination and may well be a projected representation of your anger.

And what if I firmly believe that I am only annoyed? Are you going to punish me for not experiencing a more extreme form of anger because I am supposed to be young and stupid? The next thing that’s going to happen may well be a staring match between two stubborn children on a playground. And guess what, I’ll smile first because I don’t care how good you think you are at pretending to stare – you’re lousy at staring.

And all of this talk of annoyance and staring, it’s a representation of internal feeling – the feeling that there is still something inside that makes me feel full; not devoid, not detached, not empty. Sure, sometimes there is an inferno inside that feels like a Star about to go Supernova, but it is controllable. I can hold it with my hands, externally, imaginarily, feeling the outer edges without the need to throwaway or extinguish. I don’t feel devoid, I feel annoyed. Do you really want to try and push me toward an internal implosion or a vast and empty abyss? Do you want my tongue to protrude outward, involuntarily, as an unexpected, statistically improbable (but possible) side-effect?

Annoyed, not devoid. I am not empty, only angry in the mildest sense. Ahhhh…the state of equilibrium – now that is annoying.

Anyone want to discuss feeling annoyed or devoid? It’s important.  

Matthew Polkinghorne

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