Everything Will Be Perfect

January 8th, 2017 No comments

If everyone wakes up early enough to focus on various tasks.
If everyone is soft enough with each other interactively.

If we agree that the goods and services you are producing are worth purchasing.
If we agree that this is about you and it is also about me.
If we can find a way to stop global suffering on so many different levels.

If, if, if. What conditions can you dream up that will help make this world a more perfect place?

Will everything be perfect tomorrow? Likely (and figuratively speaking). But you may not feel perfect.

How will you find a way to feel more perfect in the world around you?

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Categories: Uncategorized Tags:

I Need To Be In Motion

January 1st, 2017 No comments

To avoid lying in bed all day.
To feel the comfort of the wheels moving on the pavement.

To soothe the aching of my being.

Motion heals. It takes the mind away from distracting and painful thoughts.
It makes the mind thoughtless as you drive in a straight line and make all the necessary turns to find the perpendicular road.

I need to be in motion to try and avoid suffering. A suffering I cannot explain that is there.

How much will your words matter? Try to make them count. Try to make them sync with the contact of your eyes and let them flow with the movement of your arms. Try to find someone that will listen and care. There are so many people out there that just laugh it off and don’t really listen. Those people have checked out or have an energy about them that does not have the capacity to internalize what you are saying. It’s not there fault. They may have endured to much stress and cannot take in anymore. It’s a physiological thing.

I seek out motion. The movement thwarts the rumination.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Categories: Uncategorized Tags:

The People That Keep Us Alive

December 10th, 2016 No comments

They are everywhere.
They give us a look. They give us a smile. They say something kind.

Today might be the day that a stranger saves your life with a minute gesture. Never underestimate what these things will do.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Categories: Uncategorized Tags:

I Like Dogs. I Like Cats. I like Funny Looking Hats!

October 7th, 2016 No comments

These lyrics coming from my 7 year old daughter as she writes her first mini song on her keyboard.
Her words, funny as they are, touch me and light up my life.

To see her express herself creatively is truly a wonder and I hope that she continues to express herself in this way. Who knows what continued dedication and hard work could do for her skill and craft.

But isn’t this one first mini song good enough? Yes, I think it is. If this is all she ever writes and wants to do on the keyboard I’d still be perfectly happy and proud as she doesn’t have to live up to any of my expectations. Not that I have any anyway but there is a small part of me that wants to see how far she can take it.

After all, I play the acoustic guitar and I write and play creatively too. So I guess there is a part of me that sees myself in my wonderful daughter. Funny how narcissism gets the better of us sometimes and wants us to propel our children forward.

When I listen to her song that was recorded via iPhone video it helps me to rise out of bed in the morning. It kickstarts my day as I feel the pride and sense of accomplishment beam through me. “By God!” I say to myself, if she has the energy and motivation to create this song it surely means that I can get out of bed this morning and put in another full day even if a part of me doesn’t want to. I’d rather lay in bed all day and ruminate about my life and perhaps a little bit about my death.

But the notes on her keyboard ingrain in my head and push me out of bed. I feel the deep crack in the front of my shoulder as I push myself out of bed. It feels that way because I just did a tough chest workout 2 days ago. I start walking and feel my spine adjust in many different places. I start walking a little faster and luckily today, again, everything feels relatively OK.

Then I think about my wonderful daughter again. She did it. She created a brief song on her keyboard and it filled her up with pride and a sense of accomplishment. If I have one hope it’s that that feeling continues to circulate through her being making her feel emotionally full inside.

I couldn’t be more proud.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Categories: Uncategorized Tags:

Losing The Literary Touch

September 24th, 2016 No comments

I don’t know why it happens but sometimes the words and ideas surrounding the words escape me.
It’s a block. It’s a curse. It is something that is very hard to overcome.

Years ago, the ideas came to me endlessly. I never thought I’d ever run out of things to talk about. But that’s graduate school for you. Always saturating your mind with endless amounts of information.

When will the creativity return to me?

Only time will tell.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Categories: Uncategorized Tags:

What To Do At 3:30am?

August 22nd, 2016 No comments

Awake at 3:30am…what to do? Well I could construct something but it’s much too early and to be honest I don’t really enjoy construction all that much. I could call someone but it is highly likely that most people I know are asleep.

So I resolve to write something. Something that may have some sort of meaning. I still don’t know if I feel passionate enough to write about a topic at length. I used to feel that passionate about a topic (like Marriage & Family Therapy, interactive dynamics, leadership, organizational behavior and relationships) but that feeling has seemed to fade somewhat. So now what? Where do I go with this drive? This inertia? This energy? How will I attempt to express myself in a meaningful and worthwhile way?

The thoughts come to me sporadically – not in a seamless flowing sense. Maybe I am not reading enough. I haven’t ingested enough new material to keep the neuronal machine going. Perhaps my neurons are sputtering and I am just not recalling information and expression of words like I used to. Maybe I have said all I needed to say and there is nothing left to say. Maybe I feel like a fraud.

I don’t know. There are all these feelings and sometimes words have a tough time expressing them.

What’s wrong with me? What’s with the ball on anger in my stomach that attacks my psychological and physiological well-being? I wish I could say. I wish I had more to give you. I try and give as much as I can. Giving can make a person feel better if only in the short-term. But it’s never enough. It will never be enough. I wish giving had a more elongated effect where it makes a person feel better for a sustained period of time. Then I could be happier for a longer period of time and so could you. Yet we fight in this struggle. The balance of giving and taking. And the resentment builds when the balance of scales falls out of whack. The hate. The loathing. The humiliation. The embarrassment. When we see what we have. When we see what we want.

Life is not fair and it challenges our patience every day.

If you can, try and give…

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Categories: Uncategorized Tags:

Despite My Limitations

July 29th, 2016 No comments

I will take on the day ahead of me.
I will believe that I can rise above and set the bar higher than yesterday.

I will forget about the one last Harrah! and believe that today is good enough and worth living.

I will believe in that my abilities are enough to get me through the day in a meaningful and worthwhile fashion.

Despite my limitation to love you I will try and dig deep and find a way to love you. Even if it goes against every fabric in my being I will try and find a way to forgive you and think that time with you is a good way to spend time and I won’t be missing out on anything else.

Despite my limitation to accept I will do my best to accept you and believe that the way you want to live life is a good way to live life. And that my way of living life is likely not the best way to live life.

Despite my limitations I will try and learn to love myself and begin to see myself as good enough even if I have been measured against my peers and deemed a failure.

Despite my limitations I will do my best to give my daughter as much as I can and to help her see the world as clearly as possible.

This much, I can begin to see as a starting point – a way of being.
I know I can work hard to not let myself down even if I want to give up and lay my hand down.

Despite my limitations I know I’d be lucky and it’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Categories: Uncategorized Tags:

You’ll Feel Better

July 28th, 2016 No comments

These words circling my head this morning as I awoke.
It pushed me out of bed.

If I go to the gym this morning I know “You’ll feel better”.
If you go to the gym this morning I know “You’ll feel better”.

The workout will get your heart rate going. It will get your blood pumping. It will make you feel better overall and be ready to take on the day ahead of you.

It may not be the easiest decision and there are times when you will feel like you want to give up. But if you stick with it and make your way through the workout “You’ll feel better”.

Now I just have to get there and get the workout going. This is one of the hardest parts – getting there.

I know I can do it. I know you can do it.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Categories: Uncategorized Tags:

Planes In The Sky

July 11th, 2016 No comments

I didn’t invent them. I don’t build them and I certainly don’t own them.
Technologically, I’m way behind. I simply don’t know how they operate and what makes them work properly.

Because I’m so far behind in the technological race, doesn’t this in effect make my life pointless? What could I possibly have to add to this world that will make it a better place and make me feel like I am a contributor?

After all, I want more than just a paycheck. I want to try and have some sort of impact that will make a lasting and positive difference; maybe even in the lives of others. It’s not that I want my name to be echoed through the ages but there is a part of me that wants to be remembered and I am hoping that my almost 7 year old daughter already has positive memories and images of me.

But there are those planes in the sky. My frustration lingers. Not everyone gets to be Howard Hughes. Not everyone writes the equation to relativity. I wrestle with myself. I fight myself. I try and assure myself that I am living a life worth living and I am living a life that has meaning.

What will today bring? Maybe not much of anything. Maybe something. I am hopeful.

As always, it’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Categories: Uncategorized Tags:

Writing With Belief

June 24th, 2016 No comments

Before you write something, something that is really good, you have to believe it. You have to believe in what you are saying.

If you don’t, you lack passion and conviction.
That’s my problem, I lack the passion to write and I am not convinced in what I am saying.

Part of me is in agony writing this. Part of you must be in agony reading this.

I just don’t believe it yet. There are too many other worldly problems that go way beyond what I am saying.

Am I a fraud? Am I a phony? Is what I have to say worthwhile?

I never think I am good enough.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

Categories: Uncategorized Tags: