8585 Via Mallorca

February 11th, 2018 No comments

I once lived a perfect life. I lived at 8585 Via Mallorca in La Jolla, California. Every morning I’d wake up and my young daughter would be there beside my bed jumping up and down excitedly ready to take on the day. I’d rise out of bed, smile at her, pick her up and take her to the change table where I’d change her either wet or poopy diaper.

As I changed her the sun would shine in on through the window brilliantly and I would ask myself “Can life get any better”? In my head I would reply “No, it can’t and we are lucky”. We’d make our way into the living room and flick on the TV for a dose of cartoons. Of course I’d make her breakfast and we would sit there together in the enjoyment of the TV. After about an hour or so we would move on to activities like painting on a canvas or practice the sounding out of vowels and consonants into words. Then without fail we would go out for the day in the car to some place; a place where we could pass the time.

Now I am back in Canada and my daughter remains in California. The winters here are cold and there is a lot of work to do. Sometimes my blood boils and my internal temperature fluctuates. I feel the anger and tightness fester in my stomach as I try and force tears. My existential condition just continues to get worse.

What I would give to go back to those days. Do I dare live in the past? Sometimes I do because I can’t avoid the thought that my present and my future blow.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne
289-208-2241

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I Don’t Want To Live Someone Else’s Dream!

January 28th, 2018 No comments

Far too often we seemed to become obsessed with the life of another human being. We become fascinated by what they do and who they may be associated with. It seems we will go to any length to somehow be attached to their life.

I was once guilty of this; going out of my way to seek out and track down best-selling authors. I wanted to be them. I wanted to live their life and associate with who they associated with. It became an obsession. I didn’t sleep. I kept on coming up with the next plan of how I would Wow! them or catch their attention.

Ultimately, all of my efforts fell flat on their face and I didn’t really become part of any new circles. I didn’t create any lasting friendships that would see me through the hard times. I wasted a lot of time and I wasted a lot of my feelings. I thought I would fit in with them and I thought their life would become my life. So wrong was I.

And at the end of the day I learned that I don’t want to live someone else’s dream. The only dreams I have are my dreams; the day-to-day activities that make me happy. Maybe today what I am doing is not the most extravagant but it is still my day and what I am doing today is important. It’s worthwhile. It means something.

Try not to get swept away in the dreams and ambitions of others. It often doesn’t amount to much.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne
289-208-2241

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Another Day To Go Get What I Want

January 7th, 2018 No comments

I wake up feeling pretty good. I just worked the whole week and the weekend is mine to do what I want with it.
I get to go out in a car and traverse surrounding cities and the town I live in.

If I set my mind to driving carefully it should be a good day because in every store I go to I can be pretty much guaranteed that what I am looking for is there. Have you ever thought about that fact? That it’s all pretty much there?! I think it’s unbelievable. A lot of people have to execute a lot of actions for that to be true.

Truly amazing when human beings put their minds together toward a common and established goal.

I try to make a mental note every day to not take this for granted, to be grateful even if it’s -20 degrees without a wind chill!

I’m still a bit confused though…how can I make my life better or improve my life?

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne
289-208-2241

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City and Colour – Fragile Bird

January 1st, 2018 No comments

Album – little hell.

Try to listen to the verses and wait for that chorus – man that chorus!

Happy New Year!!!

Matthew R. Polkinghorne
289-208-2241

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Do You Feel Included?

December 30th, 2017 No comments

If you do, what else really can you ask for? Feeling included, like you belong, is one of the best, most exhilarating feelings in the world. And let me tell you, it feels like quite some time where I’ve really felt included. I used to feel included all of the time. I don’t know what happened. I don’t have any explanation for you. It just feels that way. Maybe it changes as you age (get older).

If you don’t feel included, try doing something unorthodox or unusual to get yourself back in the ring (like reaching out to an inspiration or motivational best-selling author). This is one of my best tricks because for some reason or another these individuals always seem to air on the side of inclusiveness.

As always, thanks for stopping by if you read this,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne
289-208-2241

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Last Parade

December 9th, 2017 No comments

By Matthew Good. 2009 release.
Listening to the song…heart pounding, mind racing. Alive. So alive.

My daughter born. Highest I’ve ever been in my life.

What happened? I’m begging you…just tell me what happened to that time?

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne

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Feed The Kid!

November 26th, 2017 No comments

Recently, my X-wife, my daughter and I took a road trip from San Diego to Las Vegas. It’s almost a 5 hour drive so lots of time to listen to music, chat and gaze at the scenery, especially those desert infused Nevada mountains.

When we got there, Sin City was it’s usual self; gaudy, affluent and bustling (even during the off season).

We checked into our hotel, got our room and made a break for the pool (the only place to be).

On the second day my X-wife made dinner reservations at Lago in the Bellagio – an upscale little place with a view of the spraying fountains. Long story short, we sat at our table, made some chit chat and placed our dinner order. In the middle of the order, we got our daughter this petite margarita pizza off the menu. A bit abruptly, the waiter replied “Right, feed the kid!”

Is it just me or does that comment seem a tad inappropriate? Like feeding the kid is unimportant, overrated and the money would be better spent gambling in their pristine rug laden casino (I.e. – the blackjack table). Side note, they’d be better off offering Spanish 21 tables in replacement of the traditional blackjack.

Anyway, just thought I’d share what some of the Vegas waiters are uttering in their establishments. And yes, I think we should feed the kid! She’s hungry for god sake’s! At least most of the time…

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne
289-208-2241

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Who Would Want This?

October 16th, 2017 No comments

So you drive north to a cottage in the seclusion of nature. You stop at the same burger joint half way up and order a burger, fries and a drink. You cut across the same highway to get to another highway and continue going north.

You get there. When you arrive everything is perfect. The entire cottage is perfect. The grounds are perfect. All of the belongings are neatly placed around the property like no one has ever touched them.

You take a deep breath in and have a detailed look around. All there is is silence. And in that same moment you realize that you are there completely by yourself with no one. There is no one there to share it with. You take another look around and all you see is bare property and a still lake.

You take another deep breath in and ask yourself “Who Would Want This?”

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne
289-208-2241

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Don’t Over-complicate Food

September 13th, 2017 No comments

Celery, hummus, olives, blue cheese, cashews, light crackers, fruit (strawberries and pineapple), peppers, mixed greens, avocado…these are just a few foods you can eat to make a stride toward a balanced diet and a healthier lifestyle. There doesn’t have to be any magic in the preparation of food. You can eat these foods nibble by nibble and savor every bite with very little effort. You don’t have to drizzle this or drizzle that.

Not every meal has to have fancy sauces and exotic herbs. Mind you, if you’re at Jake’s in Del Mar, California you just have to try the ‘Seafood Pot’. My God! The saffron! But aside for Jake’s and the exquisite chefs there, you don’t need to over-complicate things. Just keep it simple. Buy simple groceries. Don’t waste too much money on food. It isn’t worth it.

I’m not saying to starve yourself but eat in moderation. Take a handful of this and a handful of that and keep on going with you day. Simple.

What’s your slant on food? I’d love to know.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne
289-208-2241

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You Could Start By Caring

July 17th, 2017 No comments

Why the title of this post? I thought it fitting. It seems so many of us now just end up saying (after all is said and done) that “I don’t care”. After all, we just want to talk about our lives and want everyone to know what is going on in our lives. The little guy doesn’t matter anymore and so many of us seem now to be obsessed with glamour, fame and the limelight.

We put our families and loved ones on showcase on Facebook and just want to collect as many likes and comments as possible. Our retorts and quips are superficial and there is no real connection at all. It’s safer. We hold as many people as possible at arm’s length and aren’t really that concerned as to what is going on in their lives.

So I say that “We or you could start by caring”. You could actually care that I am not happy and ultimately disappointed with my life and how it has evolved. You could care that my nuclear family is broken and we don’t get the happily ever after.

But I’m just complaining now. I should have had a better plan. I should have made the right connections and discovered the right relationships. It would have resulted in a lucrative and illustrious career that provided for my family and put me up on a pedestal in the eyes of society. We would have had it all.

This ultimate personal failing or failure is probably why I sometimes say in my head that “I don’t care!” I don’t care about anything and I just want what I’m entitled to. But I should care and I could start by caring because other people’s lives are important. What they are doing on a daily basis is worthwhile. It means something.

I try to care but sometimes my mind shifts so much the other way and I just want to give in.

You or I could start by caring.

It’d be great to hear from you,

Matthew R. Polkinghorne
289-208-2241

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